Thursday, March 1, 2012

Random acts of violence

I beat the snot out of a smoke detector last night.
It got ugly.
I swear to you it had a life of its own.  Wouldn't stop chirping no matter what I did.  Fresh batteries, disconnected from the ceiling, no batteries, disconnected and no batteries.......still chirping.
Until I took a shovel to it in the garage.  While all my babies were somehow still fast asleep inside.

I tend to let things build up and build up, until...... like the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back..... I snap.  And just like an out-of-body experience, I helplessly watch myself become a literal crazy person, and can't do a thing about it.  Just watch & cringe & wait til it's over.

It's not usually physical violence.  It's usually nervous breakdown stuff.  You know, like crying, sobbing, saying things I don't really mean even though I do mean them at that moment.  Driving off in the Suburban in my sweats & slippers just to get away and driving around aimlessly for awhile until I'm all cried out.  Fantasizing about being home alone for a whole week so I can get some things accomplished.

Lately it's about trying to fit everything in.  And it's not fitting. 
Too many demands.  Too many things I need to do.  Too many things I want to do.  Too many things I'll feel guilty about if I don't do.

Why is it that my favorite pictures are always the ones I wasn't planning?
The ones that happen by accident.

Caroline had snagged a bag of Reese's Puffs out of the pantry & headed to the couch for a little snack.
I love how you can see her little pigeon-toed walk.
She really throws her left leg in when she walks, and we thought she would have out-grown it by now.   Not too sure how that's going to work with her dance career....

Why do they have to grow up so fast?

And why am I afraid that if I didn't take a picture of something, then it's like it never happened?

And while I'm wondering about random things......

Is it wrong to pray to lose weight?

Why do I seem to have less & less self-discipline the older I get?  Shouldn't it be the other way around?

And why do I still get zits at 40?  Why didn't someone tell me this when I was a teenager so I could be mentally prepared to be dealing with acne for the next 4 decades, instead of falsely hoping that the end was just around the corner?

Why can't this kid keep his shoes on?

And what in heaven's name was he thinking when he took a dump on our front lawn the other day?!!!

Why do I dare myself to think inappropriate things while I'm sitting in church?

And how come, when I'm talking to myself, it's usually in an English accent, or in Gloria from Modern Family's accent?

Why does our grapefruit tree put out these massive mongoloid grapefruits?

And how did I get so hooked on a zombie show that I used to mock when Brian & Marlee would watch it?

Better go.  It's Walking Dead time.


ellen said...

You're living the dream!

Michelle said...

I am laughing so hard right now. RIck and I talk about taking our kids for walks and letting them take a dump on people's yards... just like their dogs dump in our yard!!

Sorry about the smoke detector. We have the same problem...only it happens without a doubt at 4am on a Sunday morning.

Ashley said...

I just ran across this this morning and want one for myself... thought you would get a kick out of it too. Great post. You put into words exactly how I feel today. and every day. ;) I found your blog along time ago when you had your daughter. I was hooked because I was just having my daughter too. Anyways, thanks for the laughs.

Maryanne said...

Tears rolling down my cheeks right now! And I'm not sure if it's because I'm laughing so hard OR because I am crying because I totally relate to this post! Oh my goodness. If I didn't know better I'd think I wrote it! (Acne at 44, are you KIDDING ME?!?!)

Anonymous said...

haha love he part about talking to yourself in an accent!

Amanda said...

seriously! so funny!
boys.. ugh they can be so gross.

that baby girl is just precious!!

Amanda said...

acne... ask dermotologist to put you on spirnolactone. regulates those hormones and cleared me right up.

Erin L said...

I've been following your blog for a while now. I think your pictures are amazing and your children adorable. And just so you know, I could have written this. I have been feeling the same thing. And I only have 3 kids.

Jen Tanner said...

Oh man I'm dying right now! Had a good chuckle over this post! You are hilarious! Can't wait to see you guys in July. Your kids are darling...even if they do take dumps in your yard! :)

Candi said...

Ok, this has got to be my favorite post of all. I love that you are so fabulous & so normal at the same time. Your blog is awesome. I think you should do a monthly "Why" blog, it was really funny!

shawni said...

You are the best, Nicole. Seriously, this is an AWESOME post. And I feel the same way. Even after I quit my church calling. Seriously, will life every slow down? And will children ever put both shoes in the closet instead of one in the garage and one in the playroom? Hmmmm.

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